Obama Interviews Author of Over-The-Counter Natural Cures

Obama: Thanks for letting me interview you.  You seem keen on health.  Plus you look great.  You told me you just celebrated your 35th Birthday in Crested Butte, Colorado, but you don’t look a day older than 34!

The People’s Chemist (TPC):  Thanks for noticing.  I try my best to keep a lean physique, it helps if I get my chest waxed too – Makes me look more buff.

That’s creepy though, were you scrolling through my FaceBook photos?  I thought you’d be too busy to surf the Internet?

Obama:  No, most of my work gets taken care of by Big Pharma and bankers.  They run the country.  I just appear for photos and interviews.  It’s a great façade.  And it allows me a lot of time for Google and FaceBook.  Tell me, what do you think of the government’s proposed health care plan? 

TPC: Dumb question.  It’s as oxymoronic as “clean coal.”  Even Paris Hilton is smart enough to realize it.

Not a single part of the plan outlines preventive health measures, and it’s totally void of proven, natural cures that should serve as the first line of defense against poor health.

The health care plan is nothing more than a cheap ploy to get Americans hooked on more drugs – to trade health for wealth.  Duh, didn’t you read my book, Over-The-Counter Natural Cures?

Obama:  No.  I was too busy calling Fox News complaining about their anti-democratic slant.

TPC:  Poor excuse.  You have 200,000 people dying every year from prescription drugs – used as prescribed.  Something has to be done.  This is twice as many people who died in the Vietnam War, and it happens every year.

Benefit doesn’t outweigh this atrocity because the top killers like diabetic meds, psychiatric drugs, blood thinners, cholesterol lowering drugs and pain killers have never proven to increase lifespan.

Considering that my book outlines 10 lifesaving supplements for under $10, you should at the very least keep it near your toilet.  Plus, you’ve been giving pharmaceutical fellatio for way too long.  It will allow you to come up for some air.

Obama:  I decided not to vaccinate my daughters.  Is Swine Flu a real threat?

TPC: Only if you are the greedy swine pushing it.  I don’t think American’s are going to fall for the vaccine scare, which means that the pharmaceutical pigs urging us to get the jab are gonna have a lot of unsold inventory.

Few people realize that immune function is a direct result of proper nutrient intake.

If we are not getting the right nutrients or ingesting items that deplete the body of them, our immunity fails.  In this sense, immunity is a choice.  You choose whether or not you’ll get the right nutrients to ward off “biological nasties” like H1N1 or any other variation of influenza…It’s all in the book.

Obama:  I recently heard you on the radio telling people that high cholesterol won’t kill them.  Can people really stop taking their cholesterol drugs and actually get healthier? 

Yes, despite all the hype, not a single cholesterol lowering drug has been proven to increase lifespan.  Today’s cholesterol lowering guidelines are nothing more than an irresponsible way of converting healthy people into patients, yet again.  Studies involving large populations prove that as we age, cholesterol increases in order to protect us not kill us.  Those with average cholesterol levels of 300 have been shown to survive longer than with those with total cholesterol levels of 170 mg/dL.  This explains why cholesterol lowering drugs don’t help us live longer.

Obesity and diabetes are at epidemic levels in America.  What do you propose as a defense for them?

Habits create and eradicate type II diabetes.  If you treat your habits, you can treat diabetes.  Whether it is the right exercise, eating frequency, diet or supplement use, anyone can learn to live thin, slim and free from diabetes.  But, there is so much misinformation; people have no idea how to properly apply these habits to their lifestyle.  OVER-THE-COUNTER NATURAL CURES clears the confusion.  It helps people eat to satisfy, but not disrupt metabolism.  It’s not so much about abstaining as it is just learning what ingredients to use and not to use.

Obama: Thanks so much for the opportunity to interview you.  Is there anything I can do to return the favor?

TPC: Yea, get “One Nut” Lance Armstrong back on his bike and off the “cancer cure campaign.”  It’s nothing more than a scheme to get people to take more chemo drugs – ineffective and expensive ones.

He might be a “one-nut” wonder (remember, one got removed due to cancer?) on the bike, but off it, he’s just another celebrity hell-bent on giving pharmaceutical fellatio.

At first, I thought it was his yellow jersey that stunk of sulfur, but now I know it’s actually him.  He’s been rubbing up against Big Pharma so much that their odiferous chemical waste has rubbed off.  I have to look away and cover my face every time I see his ugly mug – on the tube or even in a magazine – to shield myself from the smell.

Help me out – along with the rest of the country – and get his focus back on lycra, leg shaving and tight shorts and off America’s health.

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