The People’s Chemist

Health Magazine Forces Readers to “Eat Shit, Not Crap,” Enraged Chemist Grants Stinky Sulfur Award

Thumbing the remote looking for UFC, I came across something appalling – more so than watching grown men bash each other’s skulls in. It almost made me gnaw into my black leather wrist band.

Men’s health editor, David Zinczenko was hawking his latest health abomination, Eat This Not That! For Kids! And when asked by the twit show host, “What’s the best dessert for my kids,” Zinczenko replied, “Have them eat THIS Dairy Queen banana split with only 73 grams of sugar, NOT THAT Baskin Robbins Classic banana split with 125 grams of sugar.”

Do you think Zinczenko wants me to whack his head with THIS aluminum bat or THAT wooden one? Junk food swapping is just as dangerous, albeit much slower in its destruction. But essentially, that’s what he is asking parents to choose between when it comes to feeding kids dessert.

Eat This, Not That is a clever disguise for, Eat Shit, Not Crap.

I suspect his publishers felt the profanity wouldn’t sit well with parents, so they changed it at the last minute to the more politically correct, Eat This, Not That. The sticky sweet, diabetic bombs they call desserts stayed. And Men’s Health has been raking it in ever since.

The stench of Eat Shit, Not Crap blasting through the TV should have been a dead give-away for my Stink award to millions of Americans. The odiferous, sulfur smell penetrated my boob tube faster than Oprah eats dessert courtesy of her “food addiction.”

Eat Shit, Not Crap is a “how to book” for child neglect. It’s 100% nutritionally bankrupt, health advice.

The Zinczenko and Men’s Health publishing game is known as “pandering.” They cater to the lower desires and addictions of the masses by telling them what they want to hear, rather than what they desperately need to hear.

What Parents Want to Hear

“You don’t have to change your kids lifestyle to lose weight. Just make some simple food swaps and they’ll shed pounds, be healthier, feel better, and ultimately be more successful. If not, we have a pill for them, you unlucky son-of-a-bitch.”

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

Zinczenko, and his partner in crime Goulding, are fueling the metabolic syndrome epidemic on a mass scale under the pretense of health, while systematically pilfering our nation’s wallets and purses.

What Parents Need to Hear

“You’re feeding your pets better than your kids.”

When was the last time your dog ate Dairy Queen? Or drank its body weight in juice?

When was the last time your dog sucked a bowl of sugary Cheerios down his throat at 7 am, or lapped up a Go-gurt and soda for lunch?

Lancet reports that children who consume even a single sugary soda per day are 60 percent more likely to become obese.

The junk foods recommended by nutrition ignoramuses Zinczenko and Goulding, guarantees that obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer will continue to rise in this country. When your dog outlives your children, you’ll know why. And you can blame Men’s Health for it.

Men’s Health should carry a question mark at the end of their magazine title – “Men’s Health?.” That’s “honesty in advertising.”

Zinczenko has appeared on the Today Show 19 times to push his Eat This, Not That! book series. Impressive. When I wrote my book, Over-The-Counter Natural Cures, I was stoked with one appearance on Fox.

Every time he makes national news, Zinczenko singlehandedly shifts America’s discussion from, “Should we be eating sugar laden foods?” to “Which sugar-laden food will kill my kids slower?”

Sugar is the devil, period.

It’s more addicting than cocaine, and makes you look frumpy, ugly and old. And it makes kids hyper and unruly. In time, they grow obese, and end up watching my kids kick ass on the playing field, while riding the bench.

But never fear, the addiction can be broken, while still getting a “sweet fix.”

Make Picky Kids Skip Dessert

Mouth Watering, Sweet and Moist Desserts That Won’t Accidently Kill Your Kid

Picky kids don’t eat dessert in my house. If they won’t eat a scrumptious, all-natural meal from Mom (usually loaded with grass fed beef, chicken, fish or eggs, and crammed full of real butter, coconut oil, avocados, seeds, nuts and veggies), then they’re not hungry, and dessert isn’t an option. Otherwise, freshly made, quick desserts courtesy of Your Plate, Your Fate are always on the menu at my house.

With less sugar than an apple, our homemade desserts are more popular than anything from the store, especially with the chocolate ganache toppings and more. And it won’t put our kids in The Fat Cow Hall of Fame. Any parent can provide the same.

So, it’s with great pleasure I give my Stinky Sulfur Award to authors David Zinczenko and Matt Goulding for their Eat This, Not That! series. Eat Shit, Not Crap is guiding millions of hapless Americans down the road to sickness and premature death. Crack the book the next time you’re at Wal-Mart. See for yourself. Then put it back on the shelf, wash off the stench, and go post your one-star review at Drop me an email when you do, with a link to it, and I’ll send you a personal thank you.

About the Author

My name is Shane “The People’s Chemist” Ellison. I hold a master’s degree in organic chemistry and am the author of Over-The-Counter Natural Cures Expanded Edition (SourceBooks). I’ve been quoted by USA Today, Shape, Woman’s World, US News and World Report, as well as Women’s Health and appeared on Fox and NBC as a medicine and health expert. Start protecting yourself and loved ones with my FREE report, 3 Worst Meds.


The People’s Chemist provides these articles for information only. They are not meant to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and do not replace professional medical advice from a medical doctor. I am not a doctor and would only “play doctor” if I was with my wife. In fact, I have not even read Grey’s Anatomy.

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